Two-Sentence Movie Reviews

The Fall of the House of Usher

Ah, Roderick Usher, the original emo- whiny, selfish, self-absorbed, and wimpy as all get-out. The entire film could have ended on an upbeat note within fifteen minutes if Phillip had the idea of just shining a lantern on him, shouting for good measure, and then carrying Madeleine bodily out of the house while Roderick writhed and whimpered, hopefully destroying his lute in the process.