Something I whipped up for the Tumblr Famblr, in hopes it would make their Valentine's Day a little easier.

So Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I’ve seen a few posts about people lonely because they haven’t got “someone.” And frankly, that word choice worries me, because if you think about it, “someone” is practically “anyone, ” and “anyone” is a terrible idea when it comes to a relationship. Western culture as a whole seems to have this emphasis on holidays of this nature to encourage the use of that phrase- “I don’t have someone, ” and it’s dangerous, because unconsciously it’s about a half step away from “Oh no oh no find me anyone anyone ANYONE sweet Jesus just grab that one from the bus stop-” and that is about as unhealthy a concept as I can think of offhand for what is supposed to be a nice holiday. (It’s a commercial crass holiday, but still, it’s technically supposed to be a nice one.)

Look, just because society may be unconsciously pushing you towards being in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to have one to be a good/complete/or otherwise successful person. This is not “keeping up with the Joneses.” Being in a relationship with someone solely to patch up a perceived lack of something necessary in your life is about as effective as treating a gunshot wound with a bandaid- the problem is far bigger and internal and won’t be solved with a simple application of John or Jane Doe.

If you’re lonely, sure it’s just fine to want to find a partner. It’s normal, it’s great- go have a look! The trick is looking for a person you like, who complements your strengths and weaknesses, who you are attracted to, and with whom you have much in common. You should never approach a relationship solely for the purpose of having a relationship- it never goes well. Being in a great relationship is absolutely amazing, but being in a bad one or a mediocre one just to avoid being by yourself feels unbelievably awful. Hold out for a good one- hell, hold out for a great one!- and know that even though you may be lonely, you are avoiding the serial monogamist pitfall of “The only thing worse than being with someone is being alone, but the only thing worse than being alone is being with someone” that comes with just dating someone for the sake of being with someone. Don’t be with a someone- go out, look around, talk to people, and make a choice to be with ______ because they’re awesome and they think you’re awesome.