So, after one of the most frustrating rides of recent memory, I am facing the realization that it is entirely likely that Cameron will never be able to do more than dressage and mild jumping, and that at home indoors. I have been saying for a long time now that if I could just get him used to going outside, that he would be as steady as he is in the ring, and I really did believe that was so. But today's ride was a mirror image of nearly all the other times I've attempted to ride him in the field, i.e. he slowly but steadily comes unglued until I feel that remaining on his back is a stupid decision and I get off, which doesn't change his reaction any at all. This is barely out of sight of the barn, mind you; it's not as though I get him several miles into the back country and he realizes he's alone and away from home. This has happened every single time I've taken him up there, save one, and instead of a hopeful sign I'm starting to treat that as a fluke, especially since it was probably two years ago. I realized today that trying to school him cross-country like this would be a complete disaster, and possibly dangerous, given his energetic fear reactions- he has quite literally done caprioles through my tactful and otherwise attempts to slow him down/quiet him. That's usually the point when I get off and walk him home, but he's just as reactive when I'm off him as when I'm on, and apparently just as inclined to ignore me in favor of his fear or outright disobey when I ask for him to walk calmly beside me.

I kept hoping it would get better, but realistically, it's three years later and it hasn't gotten any better. Admittedly I don't take him out every other day, but still, if by now I can't get him to a point where I'm happy to stay on him, then obviously things haven't been getting better and after this much time it's possible that it never will. If I can't hack him or take him cross-country, that means he's only going to be able to do dressage and small bits of jumping in the ring. It's a bit of a blow, really.