Why isn't this playing non-stop on the radio?

"Bring joy to the world; it's the thing to do
But the world does not revolve around you
Don't be a jerk
It's Christmas

There's a sign above the line that says "Express"
That means ten items or less
Don't be a jerk (don't be a jerk)
It's Christmas

Be nice to babies and animals, old folks too
'Cause that's how you'd like them to treat you
Use turn signals, don't screen my calls
Don't you wreck the house when you deck the halls

Stick your gum where it won't wind up on my shoe
Squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.
Don't be a jerk (don't be a jerk)
It's Christmas

It's Christmas!

When others are talking never interrupt
Don't put people down or leave the toilet seat up
It's the time for family and holly and turkey
'Tis the season to be jolly not jerky (jolly not jerky)

Don't dig in the cereal box for goodness sakes
Take the prize and leave nothing but flakes
Don't be a jerk (don't be a jerk)
It's Christmas

Santa brought nearly every gift on your list
Why whine about the one that his missed?
Don't be a jerk (don't be a jerk)
It's Christmas
It's Christmas!
Don't be a jerk (don't be a jerk)
It's Christmas
Don't be a jerk (don't be a jerk)
It's Christmas...."

Spongebob Squarepants, "Don't Be A Jerk (It's Christmas)"

"Through long December nights we talk in words of rain or snow
While you, through chattering teeth, reply and curse us as you go
Why not spare a thought this day for those who have no flame
To warm their bones at Christmas time
Say Jack Frost and the hooded crow

Now as the last broad oak leaf falls, we beg, consider this
There's some who have no coin to save for turkey, wine or gifts
No children's laughter round the fire, no family left to know
So lend a warm and a helping hand
Say Jack Frost and the hooded crow

As holly pricks and ivy clings, your fate is none too clear
The Lord may find you wanting, let your good fortune disappear
All homely comforts blown away and all that's left to show
Is to share your joy at Christmas time with Jack Frost and the hooded crow "

- Jethro Tull, "Jack Frost and the Hooded Crow"

"I'm a soldier, and that means
I'm both defendant and judge
I stand on both sides of the fire
Bending along the steep turns, overtaking death and life
I'm running to fight the shadow of the lies

No matter how many threads deceit weaves
The truth will show its face to the light

Save your tears for the day
When our pain is far behind
On your feet, come with me
We are soldiers, stand or die

Save your fears, take your place
Save them for the judgement day
Fast and free, follow me
Time to make the sacrifice
We rise or fall

I'm a soldier, born to stand
In this waking hell I am
Witnessing more than I can compute
Pray myself we don't forget
Lies, betrayed and the oppressed
Please give me the strength to be the truth

We face the fire together
If we don't, we'll lose all we have found

Save your tears for the day
When our pain is far behind
On your feet, come with me
We are soldiers, stand or die

Chase the dream to the edge of the abyss
This is the only way to save the world

Don't you cry,
Hide your tears
Because there will be a new day
Your fire will be heating
Thousands of hearts
Now, rise up
Hide your pain and fear far off
The right will prevail
Remember, everything is in your hands

Save your tears for the day
When our pain is far behind
On your feet, come with me
We are soldiers, stand or die..."

- Origa, "Rise"

"Some people I know have given up on their lives
Drowning their sorrows and mumbling and forgotten the fight
We can tip the balance
We can break those barriers down
Little things count as much as the big and turn it all around

And it's oh, don't always look at the rain
No, don't always look at the rain

Some people I know have lost their feel for mystery
They say everything has got to be proved, this isn't a nursery
And Joseph who's five years old stops fights in his playground yard
No more fights and bigotry, oh is it so hard?

And it's oh, don't always look at the rain
No, don't always look at the rain
Don't always look at the rain

And tell me, is it a crime to have an ideal or two?
Evolving takes its time, we can't do it all in one go
Doesn't have to drive us all mad, we can only do our best
Let the mind shut up, and the heart do the rest "

- Howard Jones, "Don't Always Look At The Rain"

"So you're living under the gun
Circumstances have you on the run
A doctor frowns and you feel bad
Take this- you've just been had!

Don't you lose it, now listen to us
Everything's going to be all right
Take a break
Take some time
Everything's going to be all right
Don't you lose it, remember to take
Time out for fun!
Time out for fun!"

- Devo, "Time Out For Fun"

"Hey
My baby said to me
'I feel so de-vo,
I don't know what to do!'
Hey
It's okay because she's free-
How low can you go?
That's really up to you..."

- Devo, "Watch Us Work It"

"Hope everybody's ringing on their own bell this fine morning
Hope everyone's connected to that long-distance phone
Old man, he's a mountain
Old man, he's an island
Old man, he's a-waking, says
'I'm going to call, call all my children home'

Hope everybody's dancing to their own drum this fine morning
The beat of distant Africa or a Polish factory town
Old man, he's calling for his supper
Calling for his whiskey
Calling for his sons and daughters, yeah
Calling all his children round

Sharp ears are tuned in to the drones and chanters warming
Mist blowing round some headland, somewhere in your memory
Everyone is from somewhere, even if you've never been there
So take a minute to remember the part of you that might be the old man calling me

How many wars you're fighting out there, this winter's morning?
And maybe there's always time for another Christmas song
Old man he's asleep now
Got appointments to keep now
Dreaming of his sons and daughters, and proving,
proving that the blood is strong"

-Jethro Tull, "Another Christmas Song"

Not for me, but needed, I think...

"Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don't let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me

Many strangers have I met
On the road to my regret
Many lost who seek to find themselves in me
They ask me to reveal
The very thoughts they would conceal
Love rescue me

And the sun in the sky
Makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
Said, love rescue me

In the cold mirror of a glass
I see my reflection pass
See the dark shades of what I used to be
See the purple of her eyes
The scarlet of my lies
Love rescue me

Yeah, though I walk
In the valley of shadow
Yeah, I will fear no evil

I have cursed thy rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me

I said love, love rescue me

Climb up the mountains, said love
I said love, oh my love
On the hill of the son
I'm on the eve of a storm
And my word you must believe in
Oh, I said love, rescue me
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah...

Yeah I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
I said love rescue me

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me..."

- U2, "Love Rescue Me"

more animals

"Through long December nights we talk in words of rain or snow
While you, through chattering teeth, reply and curse us as you go
Why not spare a thought this day for those who have no flame
To warm their bones at Christmas time
Say, Jack Frost and the hooded crow

Now as the last broad oak leaf falls, we beg consider this ---
There's some who have no coin to save for turkey, wine or gifts
No children's laughter round the fire, no family left to know
So lend a warm and a helping hand
Say, Jack Frost and the hooded crow

As holly pricks and ivy clings,
Your fate is none too clear
The Lord may find you wanting, let your good fortune disappear
All homely comforts blown away and all that's left to show
Is to share your joy at Christmas time
With Jack Frost and the hooded crow

Through long December nights we talk in words of rain or snow
While you, through chattering teeth, reply and curse us as you go
Why not spare a thought this day for those who have no flame
To warm their bones at Christmas time
Say, Jack Frost and the hooded crow..."

-Jethro Tull, "Jack Frost and the Hooded Crow"

It was really cool to find out (more or less randomly) that the video of Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone" is just as noir-ish as I would have hoped from the song itself, the lyrics of which follow, as they're a bit hard to follow if you haven't heard it a few times:

"Somewhere in a lonely hotel room there's a guy starting to realize that eternal fate has turned its back on him. It's 2AM.

It's 2AM
The fear is gone
I'm sittin' here waiting
The gun's still warm
Thinking my connection is tired of taking chances

Yeah, there's a storm on the loose, sirens in my head
Wrapped up in silence, all circuits are dead
Cannot decode - my whole life spins into a frenzy

{Refrain}
Help, I'm stepping into the Twilight Zone
The place is a mad-house, feels like being cloned
My beacon's been moved under moon and star
Where am I to go now that I've gone too far
{Repeat}

Soon you will come to know
When the bullet hits the bone
Soon you will come to know
When the bullet hits the bone

I'm fallin' down a spiral, destination unknown
A double cross messenger, all alone
Can't get no connection, can't get through, where are you

Well the night weighs heavy on his guilty mind
This far from the border line
And when the hitman comes
He knows damn well he has been cheated
And he says

{Refrain twice} "

"This city will always bug you, baby
I know for me it does the same
It's pretty I suppose from inside a plane
That's heading for another place

So wave and blow me one more kiss
You're a dead-eye, baby
You simply never miss
There's not much else as sweet as this
I waved so hard I broke my wrist

But don't act broken
Even when you're broken
It's just one of those things..."

Hawksley Workman, "Don't Be Crushed"

"I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years..."

- The Velvet Underground, "Venus In Furs"

"You me, you me and the weather
You me, you me and the storm



You me, you me here together
You me, you me safe and warm



You me, we got things together..."

- Hawksley Workman, "You Me And The Weather"

"The beast in me
Is caged by frail and fragile bars
Restless by day
And by night rants and rages at the stars
God help the beast in me

The beast in me
Has had to learn to live with pain
And how to shelter from the rain
And in the twinkling of an eye
Might have to be restrained
God help the beast in me

Sometimes it tries to kid me
That it's just a teddy bear
And even somehow manage to vanish in the air
And that is when I must beware
Of the beast in me that everybody knows
They've seen him out dressed in my clothes
Patently unclear
If it's New York or New Year
God help the beast in me

The beast in me..."

Johnny Cash, "The Beast In Me"

Whoa.

"This summer I'm gonna get us a motorbike
To ride us up to Ilfracombe
And over on to Ravenscliff..."

- Hawksley Workman, "Ilfracombe"

The concept as well as the song itself are helping to keep me sane. Thank you, Hawksley!

"If I had a hammer
I'd wake up my neighbors
Pounding out a rhythm
All about you
If I had a pencil
I'd push me some paper
I'd build a skyscraper
To get close to you
If I had a lasso
I'd sail out the window
And land on an island
Next to you
If I had a hot rod
I'd fasten up my seatbelt
And break the speed limit
Gettin' to you
But I ain't got a hammer
And I ain't got a pencil
And I ain't got a lasso
So I'm doing it the hard way
Like a post post-modern man
If I had a credit card
I'd clear me a pathway
Through the deepest jungle
Right to your door
If I had a camera
I'd snap away my fingers
And collect up the pictures
Of you of course
But I ain't got a hot rod
And I ain't got a credit card
No chance for a camera
So I'm doing it the hard way
Like a post post-modern man
Well I ain't got a hammer
And I ain't got a lasso
No chance for a camera
So I'm doing it the hard way..."

Devo, "Post Post-Modern Man"

"Oh but how can I sleep with your voice in my head,
With an ocean between us and room in my bed?"

A-ha, "The Swing Of Things"

"This city will always bug you, baby
I know for me it does the same
It's pretty, I suppose, from inside a plane
That's heading for another place
So wave and blow me one more kiss
'Cause you're a dead-eye, baby, you simply never miss
There's not much else as sweet as this
I waved so hard I broke my wrist
But don't act broken
Even when you're broken
It's just one of those things..."

- Hawksley Workman, "Don't Be Crushed"

Last night I actually dreamed about eating a burger from Max and Irma's. In honor of me apparently finally losing my mind from a lack of decent beef, I present the lyrics from Jimmy Buffet's "Cheeseburger In Paradise, " a song which up to now I thought was more or less fictional.

"Tried to amend my carnivorous habits
Made it nearly seventy days
Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds
Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays

But at night I'd have these wonderful dreams
Of some kind of sensuous treat
Not zucchini, fettuccini, or bulgur wheat
But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

Cheeseburger is paradise
Heaven on earth with an onion slice
Not too particular, not too precise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz Fifty-seven and French fried potatoes
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer
Well, good God Almighty, which way do I steer
For my cheeseburger in paradise

Heard about the old time sailor men
They eat the same thing again and again
Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead
Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn

But times have changed for sailors these days
When I'm in port I get what I need
Not just Havanas or banana or daiquiris
But that American creation on which I feed

Cheeseburger in paradise
Medium rare with mustard'd be nice
Not too particular, not too precise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes
Big kosher pickle and a cold draught beer
Well, good god Almighty which way do I steer

For a cheeseburger in paradise
Makin' the best of every virtue and vice
Worth every damn bit of sacrifice
To get a cheeseburger in paradise
To be a cheeseburger in paradise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise...."