The Newest Acquisition

...Yes, that is an original.

Two-Sentence Movie Reviews

"Bram's Stoker's" Dracula - "Now let me get this straight, we're supposed to think of him as a tragic, tormented hero. A hero who feeds babies to his undead demonic whores."

Resident Evil - "There is a distinct lack of light puzzles in this film."
"And anything else, really."

Underworld - "So, basically this is a movie about someone's racist dad."
"Racist Dad Vampire - you won't believe the hijinks that ensue."

Underworld 2 - "Right, so that's another way to kill vampires, then- make them eat food. Back off, I've got a cheeseburger!' 'Don't make me spray gravy at you!' "

"Has he had to crap in that thing for five hundred years?"