Duamuteffe: I had a cool zombie invasion dream!
Owlvark: I dreamed I found a secret room in a house. Inside it was a machine that made Dracula playing cards out of string. I turned it on, looked at it, and said, "Well, this is going to take a while."

Reason 1,977,043 that I love my life

#while setting up to watch Dracula Has Risen From The Grave"#

Duamuteffe: So it says here that it's about Dracula being annoyed that his castle has been exorcised by a priest so that he can't get back in and he goes after the guy's niece as revenge.
Owlvark: So it really should be called "Dracula Has Been Turfed Out Of His Castle."
Duamuteffe: "The Horror of Dracula's Landlord"
Owlvark: "Dracula And The Bailiffs"
Duamuteffe: "Dracula Has Lost His Security Deposit"
Owlvark: "Pay The Rent Of Dracula"
Duamuteffe: You win.

I've been introducing the Owlvark to the joy that is Brisco County Jr, and I find myself wishing I'd seen more than a handful of episodes when they first came out. I remembered them fondly, if fuzzily, but if I'd been able to catch more I would have noticed Bruce Campbell a bit earlier and had some more eye-candy for my walls. I'm sure I could have found room for another pin-up between the Forever Knight one and the They Might Be Giants one :)

Duamuteffe: I was thinking of getting the print of Baba Yaga to match the print of Vassilisa you got me for my birthday. There's a sale on.
Owlvark: Cool.
Duamuteffe: I wish they did prints of all the rest of the illustrations from the story- I love the pictures of her riders. I'd like to have them all up on the walls.
Owlvark: That would be awesome.
Duamuteffe: You know, if you'd married a normal woman, she'd probably want Thomas Kincaide prints instead.
Owlvark: Noooooooooo! Instant divorce!

The Slow The Plot Down sea chanty, courtesy of Joel and the bots. I actually went and looked this up again because it (well, the original, presumably) was being whistled in the latest episode of Freeman's Mind.

If you haven't seen all previous 31 episodes of Freeman's Mind, may I suggest you go back and start at number 1? It just gets better and better as it goes.

Pro Golfer on Commercial: Have you had joint pain? Because if you have, I've been in your shoes.
Duamuteffe: Is that what causes it?
Owlvark: #pointing at screen# I knew it! You bastard!
Duamuteffe: #giggling#
Owlvark: Those damned pro golfers, always in my shoes. There ought to be some kind of spray.

Duamuteffe: Oh. My. God.
Owlvark: What?
Duamuteffe: They have Clark Asthon Smith available for the Kindle. Along with all his contemporaries- you know, Lovecraft, Howard, et cetera. And then there's Arthur Machen, Ambrose Bierce, F. Marion Crawford, Algernon Blackwood...Oh man, this is awesome.
Owlvark: Free?
Duamuteffe: Cheap. Like, twelve stories for two dollars cheap.
Owlvark: That seems reasonable.
Duamuteffe: For stuff that spends more time out of print than in? That is ludicrously good.
Owlvark: You could buy a lot of stories with your pocket money.
Duamuteffe: Already thought of that. Excuse me while I go mad with power. #maniacal laughter#

#while watching the Mythbusters wrangle equipment to recreate an explosion from "The Bourne Supremacy"#

Owlvark: So, if Jason Bourne really wanted that house to blow up he'd have to get some fans and hose together.
Duamuteffe: I'm sure Matt Damon could find enough of each to do whatever he wanted.
Owlvark: ...That's a little American joke there, isn't it?

#The theme from 'Shaft' is playing the radio#

Duamuteffe: I can't help but wonder how he has the time to do any detective work.
Owlvark: Oh, because he's a sex machine to *all* the chicks.
Duamuteffe: Yeah, it clearly says all of them. I don't doubt it, but it must make things difficult towards him getting anything else done.
Owlvark: Maybe they all line up to make sure there's no confusion, or taking more than one turn.
Duamuteffe: That just doesn't have the same ring to it. "Who's the sex machine for whom all the chicks stand in an orderly queue?"
Owlvark: That's British Shaft.

Highborn.Hunter: So, what are you up to?
Duamuteffe: Listening to Mötley Crüe and surfing for pics of Jeffrey Donovan.
Highborn.Hunter: Awesome
Duamuteffe: Yeah, it's pretty metal here :)
Highborn.Hunter: :)

Possibly more than what's in the fridge, depending on the episode...

Owlvark: So I was thinking I'd have a beer during Burn Notice.
Duamuteffe: Luxury.
Owlvark: Yeah. And I thought maybe I'd make it interactive, so when Sam drinks, I drink.
Duamuteffe: In that case, baby, you are going to need more than one beer.

Duamuteffe: So we were watching tv late last night, and I was like, "It's eleven o'clock and I'm tired of wearing pants." So I kicked them off, and just as I did, what pops on the TV but an ad for Iron Man 2 on DVD. And I thought, "Yep, the pants come off and Tony Stark appears. That's canonical accuracy right there."
TehSuz: #sighs wistfully# If only it were that easy.
Duamuteffe: #identical sigh# I know, right?

(Note to my British readers: trousers are what I was going for here. Although, knowing Tony, the British term would certainly apply...)

Duamuteffe: Now it's hot chocolate time.
Owlvark: #singing# I believe in miracles...

#The Owlvark comes out of the bathroom after a shave#

Duamuteffe: #sniffing# Mmm, what are you wearing? Satyr?
Owlvark: No, stately pleasuredome.
Duamuteffe: Oh, I get it, Kubla Khan. Or did you get a special version?
Owlvark: Yes. I decreed it.

(While driving home, listening to an 80's night on the radio, "Pump Up The Jam" comes on)

Owlvark: This always makes me think of someone with a jar of jam and a bicycle pump.
Duamuteffe: What, literal pumping, plus jam?
Owlvark: Yes, someone flailing away with a foot pump, trying to inflate the jam for some reason.
Duamuteffe: It's lucky I don't listen to this song on purpose, as I am never going to hear it the same way again.
Owlvark: More air! More air in my jam!
Duamuteffe: You know what it makes me think of?
Owlvark: Maybe they need carbonated jam for some reason.
Duamuteffe: That wasn't what- oh, never mind.

Just another normal day :)

Duamuteffe: #is sitting on the lawn, musing#
Small Fry: #stands in front of Duamuteffe and begins bowing repeatedly#
Duamuteffe: What's this in aid of?
Small Fry: You are a king.
Duamuteffe: Oh. What am I the king of?
Small Fry: You are the King of Bears.
Duamuteffe: Really?
Small Fry: Yes. I am the little king of bears.
Duamuteffe: So, like the Prince of Bears, then.
Small Fry: Yes.
Duamuteffe: Cool. Can I put this on my resume?
Small Fry: What's a resume?
Duamuteffe: It's a sheet of paper you give people when you're looking for a job. It has all the skills you have on it, and all the things you're able to do well.
Small Fry: Yes, you can put it on your resume.
Duamuteffe: So what does being the King of Bears entail? Do we tell bears what to do?
Small Fry: Yeah, about what to eat, and trees, and calling on the phone, to you, and Uncle Austin, and Mommy, and Papa, and-
Duamuteffe: Okay, let me get this straight. I'm the King of Bears, and my major job is to teach bears how to use cell phones so they can call people?
Small Fry: Right!
Duamuteffe: I'm cool with that.

In fact it's the only way I'd watch a movie with Colin Farrell in it...

Owlvark: (reading the movie reviews in Playboy) Did you see the blurb about the Colin Farrell fisherman movie?
Duaumteffe: I think I missed that one. I tend to not notice anything with him in it.
Owlvark: #hands the magazine over#
Duamuteffe: So, he picks up someone in a net, he falls in love, and his daughter insists it's a mermaid. Hmm.
Owlvark: I so hope it's Old Gregg!

Today, in the Kingdom of Livia, King Livia of Livia issued orders that his Royal Monster was to compel any prisoners to gather pinecones in order to feed his sticks. Why, or indeed how, the sticks were to eat pinecones is as yet undetermined. Collection of pinecones only ceased when the prisoner (who still claims not to be a number, but a free person) pointed out that if the King of Livia wanted five pinecones, and they had gathered thirty, then the job was officially over. After some argument the point was conceded by the monster.

Reason #2,956,953 that my life is awesome

Duamuteffe: #reading#
Small Fry: #grabs arm# Graaagh!
Duamuteffe: Who are you?
Small Fry: I am a monster!
Duamuteffe: Well, that explains the roaring. What do you want?
Small Fry: I am here to take you to the King of Livia, who is my king!
Duamuteffe: What does he want of me?
Small Fry: He wants you to pick up sticks and bring them to the castle!
Duamuteffe: What does he do with the sticks?
Small Fry: He makes them into firewood! The King of Livia needs LOTS of firewood!

~a few minutes and several sticks later~

Duamuteffe: I'm escaping! #runs off# I am no longer subject to the King of Livia and his bizarre whims involving sticks!
Small Fry: You CAN'T escape! The King of Livia NEEDS HIS FIREWOOD!!!

Reason #2,956,807 that my life is awesome

So I'm babysitting my niece, and we're sitting outside when a big crow flies into a nearby tree and starts cawing.

Small Fry: What's that crow doing?
Duamuteffe: He's cawing.
Small Fry: Calling? He's calling for help?
Duamuteffe: No, no, *cawing*. *Caw-ing*. It's the sound crows make.
Small Fry: Oh. What's he saying?
Duamuteffe: I don't know. I don't speak crow.
Small Fry: (standing up to face the crow) WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MR. CROW???